Dr. Becky, Parenting, and Why This Isn’t About Fixing It

I heard about Dr. Becky Kennedy because she’s everywhere these days. I don’t have small kids having tantrums anymore, but I still often feel like my best isn’t enough when it comes to parenting—and there’s always more to learn.

What she teaches about parenting is powerful. But what she teaches about leading with steadiness—about how our presence shapes the room—that’s what has stayed with me.

Her work isn’t about fixing your child. It’s about becoming someone who can tolerate discomfort—yours, theirs, everyone’s—and stay in connection anyway.

These aren’t parenting strategies. They’re human tools. Lampposts, as I think of them. The structures we return to when things get stormy. When we’re leading a team, holding a boundary, witnessing someone else’s pain. These are the tools that help us become the kind of people others can trust.

Two Things Are True

It’s simple. And revolutionary.

Your child can hate the boundary and the boundary can still be necessary.

Your partner can love you and hurt your feelings.

You can be a good parent and completely lose your shit sometimes.

We’re raised to seek clarity through opposition—someone’s right, someone’s wrong. Something’s fair, or it isn’t. But life, especially relational life, doesn’t work that way. Two things are true teaches nuance. It teaches us to stop reaching for the clean verdict and instead sit with contradiction. To move from “what’s fair?” to “what’s needed?” in the moment.

We don’t need to collapse one truth to make room for the other. Both can exist. And when we stop trying to solve the contradiction, we can finally hold it. That’s emotional maturity—not certainty, but capacity.

This concept alone has made me braver. Softer. More able to stay present in messy moments without trying to clean them up too fast. Without needing to decide what’s right. Without needing to prove my side of the story.

Be the Pilot

One of Dr. Becky’s metaphors I’ll never forget is the airplane one.

You’re on a plane. Turbulence hits. What kind of pilot do you want?

You don’t want the one who pretends nothing’s wrong. But you also don’t want the one panicking over the intercom. You want the one who says, “We’re hitting some bumps. It’s normal. I’ve got this.”

That’s what it means to be a sturdy leader. And it applies to parenting, marriage, friendship, work—everywhere.

Sturdiness doesn’t mean being calm all the time. It means being trustworthy. It means holding the emotional weight without collapsing under it or pretending it’s not there.

When our kids rage, when our partners spiral, when the team gets disoriented—we don’t have to fix it. We just have to stay with it. Steady. Honest. Present.

Boundaries Aren’t Requests

A boundary isn’t “Please don’t yell.” That’s a request.

A boundary is: “If the yelling continues, I’ll leave the room.”

Boundaries aren’t about controlling others. They’re about staying in integrity with yourself. That’s what makes them sturdy. That’s what makes them safe.

Kids don’t need constant freedom. They need clear edges. Someone to say, “TV ends in five minutes, and then I’ll take the remote.” Not because they’re bad or wrong, but because you’re the container. You’re holding the shape of the moment so they don’t have to.

And that—being the container—isn’t about being rigid. It’s about being trustworthy. When kids (or adults) know the edge won’t keep shifting, they relax. Even when they don’t like the limit, they trust the person holding it.

The Discomfort Zone

We’re so wired to fix. To cheer up. To smooth over. But that reflex—while well-meaning—teaches kids to fear their own feelings. If sadness is always rushed, if anger is always redirected, if disappointment is too much for us to handle, they learn those emotions are dangerous.

But they’re not.

Sadness isn’t a problem. Anger isn’t a failure. Disappointment isn’t a detour. These are just states we move through.

And the goal isn’t to rescue our kids from them. The goal is to sit beside them in it. To say, “Yeah, this is hard. I’m right here.” That’s what makes big feelings tolerable. That’s what builds resilience: not avoiding pain, but feeling safe inside it.

It’s not our job to make our kids happy all the time. It’s our job to keep them safe. And sometimes that means letting them fall apart, while we hold the space around them.

Repair Is Everything

And when we don’t hold it well—when we lose it, when we say the thing, when we check out—that’s when repair steps in.

This is maybe the most important thing I’ve learned: repair isn’t an apology. It’s a process of circling back. Of owning the impact. Of showing our kids (and ourselves) that it’s okay to get it wrong—and that there’s a way to return.

We don’t raise resilient humans by getting it right all the time. We raise them by showing them what to do after we get it wrong.

“I didn’t handle that well.”

“I see that I scared you.”

“I was overwhelmed, and I yelled. That’s on me.”

“I’m here. I still love you. Let’s try again.”

That’s the moment. That’s the real lesson. Not perfection—presence. Not control—connection.

And that’s what I come back to every time.

We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to stay. Stay with the feelings. Stay with the person. Stay with ourselves.

And in staying, we model what most of us never saw growing up: that it’s okay to be messy, that love can hold mistakes, and that you don’t have to be afraid of big feelings.

What heals us isn’t perfect parenting.

It’s knowing we weren’t alone inside the hard stuff.

Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?

 My transformational approach is a process where awareness, alignment, and action work together as catalysts to create momentum for change. 

*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.

*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.

*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.

Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.

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