Staying Grounded: A Practical Guide to Handling Spiraling and Anger in Others
Recognize the Moment
Be hyper-aware when the other person begins spiraling emotionally. Notice shifts in their tone, body language, and irrationality.
Pause and Ground Yourself
In that moment, take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground, and consciously bring your attention to the present. This grounds you and prevents you from being swept up.
Don’t Try to Rationalize
Remind yourself that reasoning or defending yourself in the face of heightened emotions is futile. They won't be able to access their rational mind.
Set a Clear Boundary
Calmly but firmly say something like, "I can see you're very upset right now. I'm not going to continue this conversation until you've calmed down. We can talk again when you’re in a better state."
Refuse to Engage Further
Once you’ve set the boundary, resist the urge to convince or get pulled back into the emotional spiral. Keep the noise out.
Revisit Later, if Needed
After the person has cooled off, you can revisit the issue and have a productive discussion—only when they’re in a rational, receptive state.
Don’t Take It Personally
Remind yourself that the other person’s outbursts reflect their own struggles, not you. Avoid internalizing or feeling responsible for their emotions.
If You Can’t Shake It, Try a Somatic Regulation Exercise
Engaging in a somatic regulation exercise can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation. The key is to slow down—your speech, activity, thoughts, and breath.
Somatic Regulation Activities:
Gently touch your lips; parasympathetic fibers here help to calm the body.
Spend time in nature or go for a walk.
Laugh out loud; a belly laugh stimulates the vagus nerve.
Give yourself a gentle massage, especially around the carotid sinus on the sides of your neck.
Meditate—even five minutes helps.
Repeat a soothing mantra.
Be mindful: Zen Master Seung Sahn advised, “When reading, only read. When eating, only eat.”
Visualize a calming place using all your senses.
Focus on a comforting word.
Gargle; this activates the vagus nerve.
Play with animals or children.
Speak slowly, rhythmically, and melodically, as if soothing a child.
Practice yoga, chi kung, or tai chi.
Hum or make a sound like "vooooooo" or "om" to stimulate the vocal cords and slow exhalation.
Exercise.
Progressive relaxation.
Breathe slowly, deeply, and rhythmically from the diaphragm.
Splash cold water on your face or take a cold shower, stimulating the dive reflex and the vagus nerve.
Connect with a safe person.
The key is for you to build the awareness and skills to detach yourself in the moment, set clear boundaries, and avoid getting pulled into the emotional vortex. With practice, you’ll learn to respond rather than react.
Are you interested in working on your personal development? Are you looking for a life coach or a life consultant? Are you feeling stagnant? Do you want to jumpstart change?
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*Awareness is knowing what you genuinely want and need.
*Alignment is the symmetry between our values and our actions. It means our inner and outer worlds match.
*Action is when you are conscious that what you say, do and think are in harmony with your values.
Together we build an understanding of what you want to accomplish, and delve deeply into building awareness around any thoughts and assumptions that you may already have. To truly transform your life, I will empower you to rethink what’s possible for you.
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